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Leadership Encouragement
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From Kathy's Heart to Yours... Kathy wants to be an encouragement to you in your crucial role in ministering to people. You are an important person who desires to meet their needs and make a difference in their lives. In this section, Kathy offers inspiring thoughts to encourage you in your ministry. A new article is added at the beginning of each month. Announcement The
Person Who is Hardest to Love Needs it the Most I was helping in the nursery at church and a sign on the wall caught my attention, "The child who is hardest to love needs it the most." And I thought of you! I thought of you who are in leadership and realized that many of the "irregular" people you minister to can also be hard to love—and they are the ones who need it the most. It helps me to recognize that "irregular" can be defined as "having a different perspective than me!" Many times that "difficult" person just looks at life, even God, different than me. And many times, different isn't necessarily wrong. Unfortunately, I can quickly judge that their perspective is wrong, even though it's not contrary to Scripture. I also have to remember that I'm an "irregular" person to someone else. Now, truly, I find this hard to believe but I'm sure I could find at least one person on this earth who thinks of me that way. But this is still surprising! Somehow I think everyone should have my perspective—after all, it's the best! And everyone should appreciate the wonderful perspective I have—even want to think the same! But obviously, not everyone does and this humbling thought enables me to see other people more clearly through God's eyes—with grace and understanding. They are just looking at me and life through their own filter! As leaders, we called to be strong. I'm convinced that our strength in Christ can be measured by the principle in Romans 15:1-2: "Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status. Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, 'How can I help?'" (The Message) Now, I do hasten to add that I don't believe that means responding to every need of others. I operate with the principle, "An opportunity is not necessarily God's open door." And you do need to allow God to meet your own needs so that you can minister to others in strength. But if we call ourselves strong in Christ, we must be willing to "lend a hand to those who falter"—and I must believe that includes those who are our "irregular" people, those who are hardest to love. Getting
into Trouble as "The Great Presumer" I knew why the Director of Women's Ministry hadn't contacted me again. It was those handouts I'd sent! It was very early in my speaking ministry and for the first time, someone from out of state had contacted me about speaking. I'd felt nervous about this "big break" and since she had asked me to send a packet of information about a specific retreat theme, I included my handouts. "But oh! Are they really great looking?" I agonized. I wasn't sure but sent them anyway. When I never heard back from the woman, I assumed it had been the handouts that had made her know how really "green" I was at this speaking thing. Why did I include those handouts? Why? Why? Why? I berated myself over and over again. Then three years later, I heard from her! Out of the blue, a letter arrived. She explained that she'd never contacted me again because there had been a split in the church and everything had fallen apart. They hadn't had another women's retreat since. She also apologized for taking so long to let me know. Whew! It had not been the handouts! I had assumed and presumed and theorized and postulated—but I had concluded incorrectly. I had agonized over my "mistake" for so long and it wasn't the real reason! That hasn't been the only time I've been "The Great Presumer." I'm so good at it, I've been certified as an expert. Whether in marriage, friendship, or ministry, I'm a specialist at assuming I know the reason someone said "that," did "that," or felt "that." My proficiency is great because I assume, I don't ask! And it gets me into trouble frequently. Am I doing better? Yes! But my first inclination is always to assume that I know what's really going on. I can even presume I know what God is doing! If you have this same tendency, let's make a fresh commitment to asking instead of being "The Great Presumers." I have a feeling our ministries will be more powerful and effective for God's glory because of it. Problem
Solving: I recently heard of a problem that you might also be encountering: women bringing their young children to events where only women are included. This can be a touchy situation because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or prevent women from coming--yet children can be a distraction to both their mothers and the other women at the event. I appreciated the ideas that Linda Gilden presented about this problem. She is a speaker, author of Love Notes in Lunchboxes (New Hope Publishers, 2004), and can be reached at linda@lindagilden.com. She shared with me, "When
we established our monthly women's ministry event 18 years ago, we decided that
it was to be a special evening for the adult women. It is called ”Ladies'
First Thursday.” Our pastor helped in establishing the guidelines. We do not
provide any childcare at all. Occasionally, a younger child shows up but it is
usually when the mother has tried to fill her table and is unable to do so. So
since she has paid for the ticket and the daughter is available, she brings a
daughter. Thank you, Linda, for sharing your wisdom. If you have some ideas for solving this problem, please let me know. When
the “If Only’s…” Make You Cross-Eyed Such
“worry” makes us unfocused about trusting God and receiving his loving
approval for our efforts for His glory. What can we do to fight against “if
only’s…”? The
Apostle Paul could have easily struggled with regrets—yet, he was able to
write, “…Forgetting what is behind and straining
toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God
has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:13b-14 NIV). The
word “forget” does not mean to “not remember,” but instead, “not be
held hostage by.” Paul is saying that his readers (you!) shouldn’t be held
captive by the past. And actually, there is value in remembering the past. It
can teach us how to operate in ministry better each time, even after making
mistakes. Furthermore,
the key to overcoming regrets is to forgive; forgive ourselves and others. It is
a choice to let go of focusing on the hurt that we inflicted upon ourselves or
others, and the hurt that others have inflicted upon us. Our enemy, Satan, wants
us to mentally bash ourselves over the head by tearing ourselves down. That’s
not the source of confident ministry! When we do that, we are not earning back
God’s approval; we only dig ourselves into a pit of depression. Isaiah
43:25 can motivate us to forgive ourselves. "I, even I, am he who blots out
your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more” (NIV).
At a time when I needed to forgive myself, I was struck by the phrase, “for My
own sake.” I realized, You want to have
fellowship with me because you love me so much, Lord. And if there is unforgiven
sin within me, you can’t have fellowship with me, nor am I empowered for
ministry. God
wants you to receive His forgiveness and empower you for the ministry tasks
He’s given you. Then you won’t be looking at ministry cross-eyed! Paul
also wrote in that Philippians passage, “reaching
forward to what lies ahead.” We can do that by planning how to respond the
next time. For instance, if you said something hurtful to someone, change, “If
only I had been more helpful” to “Next time, I’ll look at it from her
perspective.” Or change, “If only I hadn’t been critical” to “Next
time, I’ll focus on the positives.” In
what area have you been looking cross-eyed within your ministry? Instead, see
the value of mistakes, forgive yourself, and plan for future responses. I’m
confident that will empower you for the most effective ministry possible. What
Does Holiness in Ministry Look Like? Late in 2004, I sensed the Lord guiding me to have the theme of "holiness" for 2005. I don't usually pick a theme for a year but His challenge resonated with me and I've been meditating and studying about this subject ever since. (To have more background, please go to my "Articles" page). Of course, I began asking myself, "What does holiness look like in ministry?" Several thoughts have come to mind. (But before you read on, fix in your own mind what you think of when you answer that question.) Integrity: When we have the Lord's holiness in our ministry, we don't wear masks. We are what we say we are at all times. We aren't one thing of goodness when we're around our "ministry" and something different when we're with family or alone. What we preach and teach is what we live. Accurate use of Scripture: Just this past week as I went through the edited manuscript for my new book on worry, the editor pointed out an improper use of Scripture. Now, I've heard other people use those verses the way I was using them in the past. And my first reaction was, "Well, what's the big deal?" But as I studied the passage again, I realized my editor was correct and I needed to be holy in my use of Scripture. Sometimes that's hard, I'll admit. I want Scripture to say the point I want it to make. But if I'm committed to holiness in my ministry, I must be very careful to be accurate in using Scripture. Open to exhortation and correction: Holiness in our ministry calls for openness to exhortation and correction. Are we willing to hear from others how we're coming across or will we cling to our old ways and think others should know our hearts automatically? Again this past week, a dear friend pointed out a way that I talk that gives a less than accurate sense of the Lord. I got a little defensive and then recognized an opportunity to grow in holiness. I welcomed her analysis and have taken it to heart. Obviously, I could go on and on. There's so much to ponder about holiness and holiness in ministry. What do you think? Would you like to dialogue about holiness? I welcome your thoughts. In fact, I've written out some guidelines for a specific opportunity to dialogue on this subject that you'll find at "Holiness." Please join me if you sense God leading you. And regardless, I challenge you to seek greater holiness both personally and in your ministry. Who
Is the Source of Your "OKedness"? I recently had the joy of spending an extended time with a favorite person of mine and she said something that made me realize how much I crave her approval. When I felt the twinge of her disapproval for a temperament/personality difference, all the wonderful aspects of our relationships seemed diminished. I also recognized that the need for her approval had made me feel insecure. As a result, I said little comments putting myself down hoping she would reaffirm my worth. After our visit ended, I began journaling my thoughts and God gently led me to the proverbial woodshed. "Why do you need her approval, Kathy," He whispered, "when I know your heart purely? I know your strengths and weaknesses and accept you unconditionally, even as I continue my work of molding you into the image of My Son Jesus. I love you even though you aren't perfect. She can never appreciate the heart I've given you like I can." Tears came to my eyes as I clearly saw my misdirected "approval antennae." I was looking in all the wrong places for my worth and God stood nearby eager to give it to me. I couldn't help but
think of Paul's comments in 2 Corinthians But listen to Paul: 12 "For
we are not bold to class or compare ourselves with some of those who commend
themselves; but when they measure themselves by themselves, and compare
themselves with themselves, they are without understanding." 13 "But
we will not boast beyond our measure, but within the measure of the
sphere which God apportioned to us as a measure, to reach even as far as
you." 14 "For
we are not overextending ourselves, as if we did not reach to you, for we were
the first to come even as far as you in the gospel of Christ;" 15-16 "not boasting beyond our measure, that is, in other men's labors, but with the hope that as your faith grows, we shall be, within our sphere, enlarged even more by you, 17
"But HE WHO BOASTS, LET HIM
BOAST IN THE LORD." 18 "For not he who commends himself is approved, but whom the Lord commends." (NASB) If you are feeling discouraged from a lack of people appreciating your efforts and not approving your progress, curl up into your Heavenly Daddy's lap and let him circle His arms around you. He sees your heart and is cheering you on! Hurl
Your Worries at God! God
wants us to cast all our anxiety upon God! “Cast” is a Greek word that
denotes violence! Surprised? I was! Previously, I’d envisioned the word
“cast” as referring to a fly fisherman calmly casting his lure out over an
ambling stream with the bright sun shining and birds twittering in the
background. But girl, that isn’t the picture of this word “cast”! The
Greek word is more synonymous with words like hurling, thrusting, expelling, and
throwing. We’ve got a photo op here of a baseball pitcher hurling that little
baseball so fast that I can’t even see it on TV! That’s how we’re supposed
to cast our worries upon Him! We’re supposed to take action! My friend and
neighbor, Joanie Dill, told me her definition of worry: “stewing without
doing.” If we will “cast” our worry onto God, we won’t be guilty of
that! Can
we talk? Right now my mind keeps being pulled away because a repairman is coming
to repair the toilets in our house but I’ve wanted to keep writing. I’ve
told myself, “I’ll clean the toilets after I write for one hour,” but I
wonder, “Will he come early because one of the other homeowners he’s calling
on won’t be there?” Anxiety
and worry seek to divide and conquer, making us unable to focus and fight
against our worry. Taking action along with trusting God are the keys that 1
Peter 5:7 give us. So I’m going to take action in my casting…excuse me while
I go make my bed and clean the toilets. OK…I’m
back. Did I miss anything? Now I’m at peace. I took the necessary action even
while trusting God that the time spent away from this chapter could be redeemed.
So…let’s continue looking at Peter’s words where he writes, “Your
adversary, the devil, prowls about like a roaring lion, seeking someone to
devour.” He writes those words immediately after giving us a big exhortation
to trust God! We can easily see that Satan wants to defeat us by keeping us
worried so that we are pitiful representatives of the Kingdom. We lose our
confidence and we shamefully hide from expressing our trust in God to others.
Yet, most of us don’t really take Satan very
seriously; after all, who am I to think Satan is earmarking me for attention?
But each warrior in God’s army is important and Satan isn’t selective in who
he wants to subvert. He’ll take me and you! We
can fight him through the power of God’s Word. When worry assails me, I begin
to mull the fear over and over. Even when I identify it as worry and sometimes
even when I turn it over to the Lord, the fears still haunt me. But victory
comes from the truth in Revelation 12:10-11: “And I
heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, “Now the salvation, and the power, and
the kingdom of our God and the authority of His Christ have come, for the accuser
of our brethren has been thrown down, who accuses them before our God day and
night. ‘And they overcame him because of the
blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they did not
love their life even to death.’” (NASB, italics mine) I
apply these verses by rebuking Satan out loud saying something like (and
sometimes it’s loud!): “Satan, in the Name of Jesus and through the blood
that Jesus shed for me, I tell you to leave me alone! You’re not going to
accuse and hassle me any more about this worry. I trust God for it! Get away
from me!” Invariably,
several minutes later, I mentally “wake up” and think, “Hey, wasn’t I
worried about something a short time ago!? I can’t remember what it was!” Or
if I remember what it was, the confusion or anxiety over it is no longer there.
Peace has begun to reign in my heart. This is a powerful promise from God that we need to use. In fact, why don’t you practice it right now? Unless someone is going to stare at you (and even if they are—who cares?), say out loud what I wrote about rebuking Satan. You can, of course, shape your own wording but remember to rebuke and resist Satan through the blood of the Lamb and your testimony (which means reviewing how God has helped you in the past). I guarantee that whatever you were worried about will either lose its anxious power over you or you won’t even remember what you were so worried about! (This article is from Kathy's newest book, Partly Cloudy With Scattered Worries, to be published in April, 2005)
Enjoying
the Horse Ride Larry and I were on vacation and surprisingly we decided to take a horse ride through the mountains. I say surprisingly because that's something we'd never considered doing before and it was especially unusual for Larry to want to do something like that. I was a little nervous because of our lack of experience and that horse looked awfully big as they led me to him. Either that was good or it was bad. Good because he was strong to climb through the mountains; bad because "wonder if he bolts and I'll never be able to control him?" Those thoughts rumbled through my brain as we started on our journey through the mountainous terrain. Did I mention "mountainous"? Mountainous as in going up and down gullies and ravines that at the time looked like hundreds of feet deep but now upon reflection, I have to admit were actually only ten or fifteen feet deep. But still, as I rode the horse, at times, I was leaning back quite a way as the horse went down the ravine. Did I mention "nervous"? I felt awfully uncertain about the horse's ability to go through the wooded area successfully without stumbling and pitching me off. I even remembered how I'd rode a horse ten years earlier and that one had begun running without my permission or encouragement (I never said, "giddy-up!) until I felt totally out of control and was thrown off. But the most amazing thing happened. I felt like I floated; as if an angel were holding me up until I gently landed on my back on the ground. Not only was I not hurt but I found out soon after that I was pregnant at that time and didn't know it. That pregnancy produced our beloved son, Mark. I'm so glad that angel protected his life. But could that happen again? What were the chances it could happen again like that if this horse threw me off? Besides we were riding through—, OK, we were walking through—sharp brush with lots of trees and shrubs, unlike where I'd fallen before which was flat and without any bushes. Needless to say, my confidence was low in this horse. Who had thought of this idea anyway? As I watched every step the horse took, trying to guide him with my eyes to the best places to walk, I suddenly was aware of the horse. Not just where he was walking, but the horse himself! Pushing my fear aside, I really noticed him and surprisingly thought, "This horse isn't worried." It hit me as such a strange thought. "This horse isn't worried. He has been here many times before. The guide follows this path every single time and the horse faithfully follows the horse in front of him and the guide in front of him. This path isn't too hard for this horse! I'm worried but this horse isn't worried!" The worry fell off me. My muscles relaxed and a smile came to my face. The worry lines on my forehand disappeared and I released the death grip on the reins. I don't know if the horse noticed but if he did, he was most likely thinking, "Well, finally! What is her problem anyway!" Then came my second surprising thought. "God is never worried about walking with me the path that He has chosen for me." Just as that horse could have thought "Finally!", I wondered how often God wants to be able to say, "Finally, she is trusting Me! She doesn't need to have worry etching her forehead trying to control everything around her. She doesn't need to frown as if living the Christian life is a worrisome adventure. She doesn't need to have a death grip trying to control everything around her. She can just relax and trust Me!" What's going on in your ministry that you feel like frowning about? Or trying to control beyond the God-given choices allowed to you? God has been this way before! God knows exactly the plan He has for you as Isaiah 25:1 and Jeremiah 29:11 say. He is not worried or nervous about what is happening or the path in which He is guiding you. When we have that perspective, there's a whole new enjoyment of ministry. Just like my perspective and attitude on that horse when I stopped worrying about him walking the path. I stopped trying to guide the horse with my eyes and instead looked around me at the beautiful countryside and views. I enjoyed the trip! I felt relaxed and comfortable trusting the horse. I let him do what he was best at and I did what I was supposed to do—enjoy the tour! You can too! Do
You Have Character or Are Just a Character? Someone has said, "Character is the ability to carry out a good resolution long after the mood in which it was made has left you." That really spoke to me and convicted me of the times I've made promises and delayed keeping them. I remember one time in particular when I'd promised to send a complimentary book and just didn't find the time to do it. It didn't seem like a big deal, especially since the person didn't know that my newest book had been published. I figured, "There's lots of time." But one day as I was complaining to the Lord about someone who hadn't kept a promise to me I suddenly saw a connection. It was as if the Lord were staring at me, with a look that said, "Well, look who's talking." "Okay, Lord, I get it." I sent the book out that day. And guess what? The person I was complaining about suddenly remembered to do what they said they would. Amazing, isn't it? In ministry, it's very easy to make promises and sometimes hard to keep them. We can make promises at times that we don't really intend to keep or feel like we'll be able to do it whenever it suits us. We might make a promise haphazardly because we want to please the person but don't have much motivation to follow through. Or maybe we feel pressured to do something we might not do otherwise. Or it seems like a great idea at the time but with a busy schedule, we make it a lower priority. In the meantime, the person is waiting for us to take action and could be inconvenienced or just plain feeling neglected. I'm so glad that God is always faithful to keep His promises, and I want to make a new commitment to keep mine—to be a person of character (not just a character) who follows through even after the mood passes. How about you? Is there a promise that you've made and haven't kept? Take action right now to keep it. From
the Heart of Meeting Planners Some
time ago, I included a survey for meeting planners in my Quarterly Ministry
Newsletter. I wanted to hear their perspective and find out their needs. Here is
a summary of the responses I received to my questions. Listening to their
responses may help you to have more of a servant's heart. Question
1. What qualities do you appreciate most in a speaker? Integrity
and spiritual depth, with a passion for their message which is bathed in prayer.
Someone
who has life experience and can communicate it genuinely, without being phony or
stiff. Flexibility.
Holding
the attention of the audience. Being
available to the women. Question
2. What encourages and discourages you from considering a speaker when you first
contact him/her? Encourages:
A
servant's heart that communicates enthusiasm and interest in the group and its
goals and needs. Humble
but confident attitude. A
"Let Go & Let God" perspective about whether she will be asked to
speak. Discourages:
A
pushy attitude of constant phone calls and letters; the "since I spoke
there..." reports." One speaker sent me 25-30 letters, tapes and phone
calls." Exorbitant
fees. A
speaker who is more concerned about the size of group, their personal gain, and
the fee than giving glory to God. Question
3. What was your most positive experience with a speaker? She
arrived in plenty of time, followed the time allotment and even took an early
break when she realized the audience needed it. She
gave one on one attention to the women and complemented our committee members. She
was enthusiastic even though our attendance was small. When
she's well prepared and willing to be part of our group interaction and fun. Having
her messages tie into our theme. The
speaker gave applications the women could implement. Question
4. What was your most negative experience with a speaker? Negotiating
fees was difficult with her and then she canceled out. The
speaker arrived saying she didn't know if she would follow the outlines she'd
submitted. A
speaker who goes over her time limit. When
she isn't Biblically based in her teaching or uses Christian lingo when our
group contained non-Christians. A
prima-donna attitude with many demands. Having a packet "to do" list
that was unreasonable, including buying 8X10 glossy photos to advertise her
coming. Someone
who mentions their products (book, tapes) too often in the speech. Question
5. What current topics do you think your women need to hear about the most? Balancing
life and time, prayer life, parenting and marriage, intimacy with God, faith and
victorious living, Christian basics, relationships, working women's issues,
roles of women, and value in Christ. Question
6. Please indicate the five most important topics you think should be addressed
by women's church groups in the next three years. I listed 14 topics. Here is
the order of importance they voted on. If more than more topic is listed
together, those topics received equal votes. A.
Godly self esteem, prayer, relationships B.
Intimacy with God C.
Christian growth, knowledge of Word D.
Knowing God E.
Evangelism F.
Parenting G.
Recovery, devotional life, fruit of the Spirit. The
other topics not given priority: Christian unity and prophecy. Question
7. What extra speaking tools/methods on the platform do you value the most? Multi-media,
group interaction, handouts, visual aids, overheads, speaker being animated and
moving on stage. Handouts
received the biggest mention. One
commented that these tools should not be distracting, i.e. poor legibility on
overheads. One
said that multi-media is a bit much unless at a large event. Another
commented: "variety is very important since there are so many different
learning styles in a group." Question
8. On what do you base your decision most when selecting a speaker (i.e. topic,
what you've heard about him/her, platform skills, etc.)? Hearing
a speaker that touched me and had something to say. Topic
and promotional material (tapes). Having
a personal recommendation from a reliable source. Talking
with a prospective speaker via phone or face to face. Heart
attitude. Integrity:
"do their lips match their message?" Platform
skills and a good appearance. Question
9. How important to you is a professionally looking brochure about a speaker? Video
or tape is more important. Not
really, as long as there's something presentable for publicity purposes. Not
very important because sometimes the brochure can seem like "self
promotion" and tends to "turn me off." Least
important. Very
important--tells me a lot about a speaker. Too
professional can actually turn me away. Question
10. Are you open to receiving information sheets from speakers unknown to you? Every
single respondent answered yes. Question
11. How often do you schedule a speaker without having a personal recommendation
from someone about that speaker? Every
one said never or rarely. Question
12. What percentage of the time do you select a male speaker for a women's
event? Most
said never but a few mentioned 5%-25% of the time. How
to Work With The Speaker for Your Event by
Kathy Collard Miller It’s
always a wonderful adventure as a speaker to work with the person and the
committee planning the event. Many women are a little nervous when they contact
a speaker and as they work with one, they may wonder how they can have the best
possible relationship with the speaker. I surveyed several speakers, asking them questions like:
Here
are their answers. 1. What is the most helpful to prepare you for an event? I’d
like to have as much information as possible about the group: age, martial
status, number and ages of children, spiritual maturity. I also like to know
something about the church or organization. I
like to know what has been done in the past. On the practical side, the type of
dress, weather conditions, and information about where the event is being held. Lots
of communication. The more I know about a group, the church, the audience, and
the leadership team, the better the fit of the talk. I like being mailed any
promotional material that is used and a church bulletin. I also find it helpful
to know people are praying specifically. One group sent me a note every week
with the specifics of how they were praying for me. That was so encouraging! I
am helped when the host asks her questions/ concerns ahead of time. For example,
when a church has a theological question, I prefer they ask it on the phone
beforehand instead of two minutes before I walk to the lectern. Also, knowing
the exact schedule and my place in the order of events is very helpful. I know
if I'm the last thing after a very long line of testimonies, music numbers,
fashion show, etc., I'll need to get the audience up and involved because they
are tired. Finally, a map is a must! It's
nice to know ahead of time the telephone number where my family at home can
reach me in an emergency. I want to know how the women will dress so I'll know
whether to pack my professional looking suits or my dress-up denim and chambray
outfits. 2. What is most helpful during the event to make you feel welcome
and comfortable? If
at all possible, a private room and bath. It's
nice to be given the opportunity to have some quiet time that is not perceived
as separatism. I still need to check in with God to see if there are any changes
He’d like me to make. On the other hand, I like to be included in the games,
art projects, etc. It's nice to feel like the invitation to speak is also an
invitation to be a part of the group. I
appreciate having a "shepherd" who knows where to find a bathroom and
water, and who is also eager to help load and unload my book table. I also love
someone from the host church to sit with me if it is a lunch or dinner. I like
what I learn in those casual conversations. I also like having someone who will
carry the table conversation when I drop into the "speakers tunnel"
about ten minutes before I speak. That’s when I’m preoccupied with the talk
and I’m afraid I’ll be considered rude. I just need a few minutes to prep my
heart. I
could use a quiet place to pray or collect my thoughts. At a retreat, my own
room for sleeping is a must. The speaker speaks better when rested. Once I had
to share a room with people who stayed up until Fair
honorariums are nice because it costs to speak: props, gas, clothes, handouts,
etc. A thank you card or follow up letter with some specific news of lasting
fruit is terrific!! I
really appreciate having a "sunshine letter" or quote that I can use
in my promotional materials—of course, it I met the meeting planner’s
expectations. 3. What are your expectations? My
expectations are that the things we have talked about before my coming will be
carried out. I
do expect a certain level of respect while I am speaking. Once, there was a
group of ladies within the larger retreat attendees who insisted upon talking to
each other all the way through my presentation. That made me really
uncomfortable. I also expect a private room in which I can study, go over my
notes, or even pray with attendees individually if they so desire. My
expectation is that the event planner will want to hear what God has taught me
through the years and develop their event to take advantage of what I have to
offer. I
expect to be in a hotel if at all possible rather than stay in a home. I know
some speakers would rather be in a home, but I get "peopled out" if I
can’t be truly alone (the introvert thing of gaining energy by withdrawing). I
expect that the committee has done a good job of promotion to encourage a good
attendance. 4. How do event planners drive you crazy? It
drives me crazy when one person monopolizes my time when others in the group
would like to consult with me. Sometimes if people are standing in a line to
talk to me, have someone nearby who I can pass a woman along to when that needy
woman needs further help or deeper prayer. Lack
of good organization drives me crazy. It's also unsettling to have the schedule
drastically changed when it is within the control of the retreat leaders to keep
things on track. Give
me a schedule and go over it before it is time to speak. On a one day retreat, I
have found that if lunch is with the whole group, I spend the whole time
interacting with people who want to ask questions, etc. I always go with the
mind-set that I am available to anyone who wants to talk to me, but when the
speaking schedule is several times in one day, the lunch time hour is a good
time to regroup before beginning again. I
feel disappointed when the leadership assumes what I need and want and like
instead of asking me what they can do to make my time comfortable. They can ask
me about what they’re willing to offer: "Would you like us to walk with
you to meetings? Stop by and get you for breakfast? Make sure you’re awakened
at a certain time?" For me the answer to all these would be No thanks!
and it would be a nuisance to me if they assumed I wanted that. It
drives me crazy when meeting planners don’t take advantage of my expertise.
I'm a professional retreat and event speaker and have seen what makes events
succeed and fail. I want them to ask me what I've learned about offering
effective events. I
don’t appreciate it when the event has too much crammed into the program and
I’m expected to shorten my message to keep things on schedule. Or when the
schedule has gotten so out of control that I’m put on to speak to tired women
at It
aggravates me when I hear repeatedly how unique the group is and the
event planner keeps questioning whether or not I can tailor my messages, which
have ministered effectively to all kinds of women in all kinds of places. After
twenty years in this ministry, I know that, scratch the surface, we're more
alike than we're different. I want the committee to trust my understanding and
sensitivity to their denomination's ethos and theological terminology. I do want
them, though, to ask me what I know of their kind of group or denomination. If
the group has strong feelings about an issue, they should alert me to what they
want me to steer clear of. I
don’t like it when several from a committee contact me at different times. I
want to deal with only one person. I've had as many as four women from one
committee contacting me—sometimes asking for the same information or material. When
I’m expected to sit at the committee's table every meal of a retreat—I get
irritated. I want to connect with as many women as I can. The effectiveness of
my ministry results from getting to know many women. Truth is, I'm uncomfortable
when the committee consistently sets themselves apart from the group as a whole
by always eating together and often at the best table. I'm convinced they should
talk to lots of women if they’re going to know them and meet their needs. It
drives me crazy when the music person(s) is allowed to sing extra songs and take
away my speaking time. The meeting planner must emphasize to the music leader
and anyone else in the schedule about the importance of keeping to the schedule. 5. What little things can we do to make you feel special and help
with your day? I
already feel special just by being invited to speak to the group. I have
received many nice thank you notes and gifts at the end of the conference or
retreat. I put these mementos in my office as precious reminders of the time we
spent together. I
enjoy getting to know the event team a little. I appreciate having the Mistress
of Ceremonies recommend my resources in front of the audience, and making sure I
have water, know directions home, etc. Special TLC's I've experienced: Gifts of
the theme retreat bags, sweat shirts, t shirts, snack box for a long trip home,
gift that matches the theme. I especially love when the planners send home a
little something for my three boys: balloons, suckers, cookies, etc. Getting
my sample tapes and photos back is thoughtful. Make
me feel welcome when I arrive at a camp by having my bed made and towels
available. Once, I flew a distance to speak and the expectation was that I'd
have toted a sleeping bag across country! I
appreciate it when somebody has snagged a map, program or other items and I
don’t have to go stand in a registration line to pick these up. 6. How much assistance would you desire at the event? Having
someone available to help with books and/or set-up is nice. I don’t have to be
escorted back and forth from my room unless I have lots of things to carry. I
also prefer to travel with a companion if I am driving a long distance. My
friend is then able to assist me with my book table and any of the business
needs. Groups have allowed my friend to lodge in the same room I am in. Most
groups also cover her food, but I offer to pay for her food so as not to put an
extra burden on the event planner. Did
you enjoy reading their answers? I hope you received some encouragement and help
for the next time you work with a speaker. But remember that each speaker is
different. Just because one speaker expressed something doesn’t mean every
speaker likes or dislikes something. The solution: ask! Don’t assume. It
Isn't Too Heavy for God I reached for the two plastic grocery bags that my 88-year-old mother-in-law, Audrey, held out to me, as she said with a worried tone, "Oh, be careful, they're heavy." "Heavy?" I inwardly laughed. Each bag contained three men's dress shirts. They weren't heavy at all and I was offended. I admit one of my weaknesses is not wanting other people to see me as weak or inadequate and in that moment, I wanted to say to her, "Do you think I'm as weak as you are?" When I told Larry about the incident later, he said, "Why does that bother you so much? My mother has always done that. She worries about getting hurt." He was used to it but in this newest stage of my life, of having my mother-in-law close by and caring for her often since my father-in-law died in February, I'm still getting used to her ways. It amazed me that she thought that because those bags were heavy for her, they were heavy for me. I'm 33 years younger than she is and I lift weights! "I hope I'm stronger than she is," I mused. Then I wondered if God says that to me sometimes. When I say, "Careful, God, this is heavy for you to handle," I'm forgetting He's a lot stronger than I am. He lifted the world into place without putting out an ounce of effort—He just spoke it! Yet, I'm forgetting that fact when I think, "Oh, getting that person to accept Christ must be so hard for God," or "This problem is so difficult, I wonder if God can handle it." Then I remembered the angel's comment to Mary when she wondered how a virgin could become pregnant. He answered, "With God all things are possible." God isn't weak, He's strong enough to handle everything--though it may seem like a weight too heavy for us to carry. Is there some aspect of your ministry that seems too heavy or hard to carry right now? Neither is God surprised by this problem nor is He too weak to take care of it. He's also strong enough in your life to empower you to take care of it according to His directions. But I saw another application in my interaction with Audrey. I realized that she thought she was expressing love in her comment. By worrying that I might get hurt, she was saying, "I care about you." Unfortunately, I didn't receive it that way. I took her comment negatively and was offended. It occurred to me that as you lead your ministry team, you could inadvertently be like my mother-in-law. You might be expressing (from your perspective) love through your concern about their performance in carrying out their duties and responsibilities. But could they be interpreting your comments as a lack of confidence in their abilities and skills? Or in their trust in God to empower them for the challenge? Could they become offended that you think their "job" is too heavy for them? Be careful in how you phrase your questions and don't try to use worry as an expression of love and concern. I'm working on responding to my mother-in-law with grace and understanding, even when she thinks of me as weak. And I'm also working on trusting that God is strong enough to handle all my challenges. He's strong enough for your and my difficult circumstances. "But
We've Always Done It That Way" I couldn't believe it. I drove past the house and saw the woman tending her yard, sweeping up leaves and then cutting back branches from a bush. I thought, "She's acting as if her house isn't going to be demolished with a few months. " Some homes near us were claimed by the city to be demolished because of a highway being widened. All the houses on the street where this woman lived were either vacant or were being torn down by a bull dozer. She was tending a yard that wouldn't be there within a short time! I certainly sympathized with her in losing her home, but she was fighting a losing battle and losing money as the homes in the area were getting more expensive (and the money she would receive from the city wasn't increasing). As I observed her in dismay, I realized, "Sometimes we treat church programs the same way. We keep doing the same things because we've always done them that way--even though God wants us to bring out the bull dozer and demolish some of them! They aren't fulfilling His plans and He's widening His plan to do a new thing!" Now believe me, I'm the queen of "status quo." I love to live in the Land of Status Quo. There's safety and security there. Don't ask me to risk something new! I don't like to travel there out of the "known" land of "always doing it this way." But sometimes I just have to surrender and say, "God, this isn't working any more. You want to do a new thing. I'm going to let you." When I'm willing to do that, I remember His promise, "Behold, the former things have come to pass, Now I declare new things; Before they spring forth I proclaim them to you." (Isaiah 42:9 NASB) Has God been nudging you to do something different? To try something new? Maybe those who live in the Land of Status Quo have balked at your leadership. Maybe it's scary to do something unknown. But trust God. He knows what He has in mind. Let Him widen your ministry with new things and I know you'll see the blessings from your obedience. Kick
Grumbling Out the Door and Welcome In Humility For those in leadership, humility can be a struggle. After all, you hear how wonderful you are! (OK, sometimes you don't, but I'm confident that most of the time you do.) And as a result, pride can raise it's ugly head and distract us from giving God the credit for what He has done through us. When pride gets a foothold, even a toe hold into our spirit, it's easy to begin to think we don't deserve bad stuff. Hard things shouldn't happen to us! We deserve better than that! That's why I'm convinced that Philippians 2:14 is strategically placed in a chapter about humility. It says, "Do all things without grumbling or disputing." Now that verse is very powerful in itself and we usually preach and teach it on its own. That's good. It can stand alone. But I find it interesting that it is in the context of Paul teaching about humility. In that chapter, Paul writes, "...with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself..." (verse 3). "And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death..." (verse 8) Also in that chapter, Paul gives an example of humility (other than Jesus): Timothy. "But I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you shortly so that I also may be encouraged when I learn of your condition. For I have no one else of kindred spirit who will genuinely be concerned for your welfare. For they all seek after their own interests, not those of Christ Jesus." (verses 19-21). Paul is saying that pride says, "it's all about me!" and humility says, "It's all about God and other people." And when I grumble and dispute, I'm saying, "It's all about me. I don't deserve to have something bad happen. I deserve a life that's good. I think everyone should be cooperating with me and my plans for ministry. How can people not see the good I'm doing?" It's taken me a while to see that grumbling and disputing is a form of pride. I thought I deserved to have an easy life or at least to have minimum troubles. And to think people don't always see my wonderful motives and actually think poorly of me, that's really reason for grumbling (or at the least trying to make sure they know the truth about me!) The next time you grumble or dispute (which means to debate), think of your responses as a form of pride. Choose humility instead that trusts God for everything that happens in our lives, especially the bad stuff, because He intends to use it for our character growth and His glory. One
Key for Knowing How and When to Help Others You most likely have many people needing your attention for a variety of reasons and one of them is your ability to counsel others with wisdom and God's insights. But you're only one person! You can't do everything for everyone. How can you decide the best way to know how you should help others? One key is in Galatians 6:2 and 5: "Bear one another's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ…For each one shall bear his own load.” (NASB) When I first read those verses, I saw a paradox. We are supposed to bear one another's burdens, yet other people are supposed to bear their own load. How can we do both? I realized that burdens represent what someone can't actually deal with realistically. They aren't at that point of growth or maturity, or they don't know how. But a load represents that which someone can handle. They do know how to do it, they just may not be obedient or willing. Yet, God says they should be given that responsibility and opportunity and if we take it away from them, then we are rescuing them and preventing them from growing stronger. As you counsel or challenge others, keep this distinction in mind--between burdens and loads. It will help you to not do that which they should do themselves and it will guide you to help in the areas where a person really needs help. It will also give you boundaries so that you don't neglect your own responsibilities. You don't have to do everything for everyone. God
Will Give Me Enough Time To Do What He Wants Me To Do I remember thinking as I waited to hear if a publisher would want my book, "When it's time to write it, I don't know how I'll fit the writing into my busy schedule." Looking back now, I can see how small my trust in God was. When I first received word that Bethany House wanted my book on worry, of course, I was thrilled... but shocked when I found out the manuscript had to be completed within two months. Wait a minute, didn't they read in my proposal that I was giving myself nine months to finish it? I envisioned a long process of leisure writing, enjoying myself while keeping up all my other important activities like golf! But, no, their schedule required it quickly. I'd seen God work before empowering me to write quickly but I thought, "Well, Lord, this is really going to be a challenge for You within me, but let's give it a shot!" God is faithful. I couldn't believe how quickly I was able to write each chapter, often a twenty-page chapter in one day! Unheard of—at least for me! God was empowering and I sat back in amazement watching Him work Oh sure, I had to cooperate. I didn't play golf for several weeks and I really concentrated. But somehow the important things were also attended to and Larry was very supportive and helpful. But now that I'm going through the manuscript one last time before sending it off to the publisher a few days early, I'm reminded of the truth of "God will give me enough time to do what He wants me to do." I've seen that fulfilled so many times and it gives me faith to know that whatever He wants accomplished will get done...because it's all about Him! If our assigned project is from Him, then He'll make sure it's done. Of course, with our cooperation. What are you wondering about? Will you actually finish your task? Will you complete that project? Will you meet your deadline? If God has called you to do it and you are cooperating, I can guarantee that you will finish. You don't need to be anxious, even about your project. "Be anxious for nothing..." Philippians 4:6 says, and your project is included in the "nothing" of that verse. Just stay faithful to working, cooperate with His timing, and you will succeed in His empowering. Learning
to Take Some Time Off! Now that I'm writing a book again (on the subject of worry), I'm seeing a tendency that is easy to avoid when I'm not working on a project. I have a hard time taking time off! When I get so excited about writing, I can be like a steam roller going full bore and concentrating so hard that I don't want to take time off. "Besides," I tell myself, "I have a very short deadline on this book. I can't afford to be relaxed about my time. I'll get worried about finishing this book on worry if I don't work every single moment." So taking a break on Sundays seemed out of the question. Last Saturday as I worked and made wonderful progress, two days worth of writing in one day, the Lord seemed to whisper, “Haven’t I given you enough manna to last for tomorrow? You thought you’d take two days to accomplish what you did in one. Can you offer Sunday to me as a rest day?” Oh! Those are words I didn't want to hear, primarily because I enjoy writing so much. And as a perfectionist, my "all or nothing" attitude tends to want to concentrate and not be distracted by doing anything else (see my "Articles" page to find out more about this). So I argued with the Lord a little...OK...a lot! "Lord, I have this deadline. You don't want me to be late and sully your reputation, do you?" At times like this, I usually can just sense Him smile patiently and calmly, waiting for me to get over my exaggeration and being ridiculous. So finally I smiled with Him, thanked Him for all He'd empowered me to accomplish and didn't write on Sunday. It was a welcome relief. And I came back to writing on Monday with a fresh new enthusiasm and accomplished, again, more than I anticipated. I realized again the important concept that God will give us each enough time and energy to do what He desires for us. If you hold a position of leadership in a church, you most likely can't take Sunday off for a "Sabbath" rest, but do you take time during the week to get the rest and relaxation that you need? Without it, you may find a lack of energy with possible burnout nipping at your heels. Be sure to find some time with the Lord and for some fun so that you can be the best servant you can be for the Lord's glory. And don't worry! He'll provide the time and energy you need to do all that He intends for you to do. "Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass." 1Thessalonians 5:24
The
Blessings of Criticism I couldn't believe how well I was playing! As a fairly new golfer of about three years, I had been improving steadily primarily because of playing with the women’s group of our local course. And today—wow! Just three holes into the course and I was doing fabulous! I felt on top of my game. As I walked with the other three women up to the fourth tee, one of the women, Trisha, looked at me quizzically and said, “You must be a sandbagger, you’re playing too well for your handicap.” My voice
caught in my throat; my thoughts a jumble trying to sort through what she’d
just said. A sandbagger? I thought. She’s
accusing me of cheating and lying? Though new to the game, I knew that a sandbagger was a person who tried to keep their handicap high by either playing poorly on purpose when not in a tournament or by not turning in their low scores (which would keep their handicap high). In golf, the low scores mean the best playing, unlike other games where the highest scores are the goal. Now as Trisha looked innocently at me as if she’d just said, “Beautiful day, eh?”, I fumbled out explanations like, “I’ve been practicing a lot and taking lessons. My game has really improved.” Yet, my words seemed so inadequate to try to refute her accusation. And I felt even more confused because she seemed so friendly. Then it was my turn to hit the ball and we all got into our golf carts and headed for our balls. The game continued but my emotions were still back at the fourth tee. What should I have said? She accused me of lying! How can I defend myself? How can I convince her I’m honest? I turn in all my scores. My thoughts were as scattered as if ten golfers had hit their balls at once and I was supposed to run around trying to retrieve them. And the more I stewed over Trisha’s comment and my inadequacy to answer the charge, the more my muscle memory seemed to lose all they’d learned. I started hitting balls all over the place and my putting went down the drain. No matter how much I tried to tell myself, “Don’t let her comment bother you,” the more my game dissolved. My final score was one of my worse in a long time. Just a friendly game of golf had become a bad memory, especially since I never did figure out whether Trisha had done it on purpose to mess up my game or had just given a thoughtless comment. For several months Trisha’s comment bothered me and then just last week, I was playing in a golf tournament. Shall I tell you the truth? It was a seniors golf tournament. Quite a revelation to realize I qualified in the “freshman” category of a senior golf tournament but there I was, one of the youngest among 100 women. And I was doing well! My practice the previous day was paying off and I felt more in control of my game than I had in a long time. And then it happened! One of the women I was playing with, asked, “Kathy, what is your handicap again? You sure are playing better than your handicap indicates!” My heart sank. I could hear the words again of Trisha months before. The emotions I’d been battling started to rise again. Is this woman also accusing me of being a sandbagger? In that moment, my confidence raised its head and cried out, “No! I’m not going to let this comment bother me! I am improving in my game and I’m honest. I refuse to let this deteriorate my play! Thank you Lord, for Trisha’s comment months ago because now I can handle this comment!” I wanted to bless Trisha in that moment. I wanted to give her a big hug! Her comment had prepared me for “such a time as this” and I continued playing well and WON SECOND PLACE! I couldn’t believe it! I just knew that Trisha’s comment had protected me from devastation when it really counted—in a tournament! As a woman in ministry, I’m sure that you’ve encountered criticism and misunderstanding. Maybe you couldn’t defend yourself completely and you felt tongue-tied, your thought jumbled like mine. Maybe you couldn’t figure out whether the comment was meant to encourage, instruct, hurt, or wound you. And maybe you successfully dealt with it or maybe you didn’t. Chalk it up to experience and as God’s opportunity to prepare you for something even more critical later on—to the point that you may feel like you should bless the bearer of the criticism for building you up to face something even more difficult. God’s promise of using everything for good must also include criticism! Or else I wouldn’t have won that second place prize of a $50 gift certificate to spend at my local golfing store. When I buy some golf clothes with it, I’m going to say, “Bless you Trisha!” What's
the Flavor of Your Ministry? How would you like to describe your ministry? How would others describe your ministry? As I thought about that question, I realized there are several ways that we can determine our "flavor." The first is having a ministry or vision statement. Mine is "Helping women to know their inheritance in Christ as Princesses on a royal mission for God." What mission or vision statement would describe your ministry? By focusing on it, we might be able to more consistently commit to our calling and not be jettisoned off into rabbit trails where we really aren't supposed to spend our time and energy. A second idea is to have a theme word for the year. I've been mulling over the word "joy" for 2004 for me. It's exciting to me to think of concentrating on that word to make God's joy even more a part of my life, especially since I tend to be such a serious person. OK, I confess...I tend to be somewhat negative and perfectionistic. As a result, I look at life as half empty instead of half full, waiting for something to be perfect before focusing on the joy. So the word "joy" is a good one for me. Take that word and look up in a Thesaurus or the Synonym Finder other words that are synonyms. Or how about a word search in the Bible to find the different ways the word is used. Once we have our word for the year (or maybe you'd prefer to pick a word for each month), choose a verse to go along with it or a verse for each month. By memorizing that verse, we'll be strengthened to make it an even deeper part of our being. I hope that 2004 will be a wonderful blessing of fulfilling the mission, vision and "word" that God has given you. Happy New Year!
Waiting
on God for Direction is Hard...but Wonderful I almost didn't have anything to write this month. As I prayed over several days about what God would have me write to you, I just didn't sense anything significant. "Lord," I prayed, "you know I have to have this ready for December 1st. We're a day away. What do you want me to say to encourage these ministry leaders?" I must admit that in the past when this has happened, I just wrote anything! OK, I'm making a confession! The deadline was just too scary and I succumbed to the pressure rather than holding out to see what God really had in mind. But this month, I decided, "I'm going to wait until I hear God's message. Even if I don't write anything--and feel embarrassed and like failure--I'm going to wait on God." Then it occurred to me--that's the message! Waiting on God! It's such a hard thing to do. And it's especially hard in ministry. You have to find a speaker for your event. You have to determine your theme for the year. You have to pick ministry leaders. You have to...the list is endless. And many times deadlines force us to just go ahead and make a decision before we really hear God's direction. Yet, when we wait for God's leading, even though it comes down to the last minute, great things happen. Maybe the wait about the speaker was because God had to open her schedule up. Maybe the wait about the theme is because events have to happen at your church before the real need is revealed. Maybe the wait about picking leadership is because a woman hasn't allowed God to work in her heart sufficiently to prepare her to say "yes" to your request. The possibilities are endless. Charles Stanley writes, “Always, in God’s omniscient mind, He uses seasons of waiting to prepare us for His answer. We want the object of our desire now, but God knows we must sift through our motives, check the counsel of other godly men and women, or simply wait until He has orchestrated all the necessary components to bless us and others involved in our decision.” How
is God using your waiting time? Are you maturing? Are you becoming stronger in
your faith? Are you seeking Him above instant gratification? You can trust that
He knows exactly what He’s doing--even as you wait to hear His leading. Are
You A Little Dog or A Big Dog in Your Ministry? When I first met our new neighbors, I was a little fearful. Oh, not of them, but of their dogs. Two huge Rottweiler dogs named Louie and Brandy loved being walked by their owners around the neighborhood. I approached our new friends (the humans, not the dogs) cautiously wondering how protective their dogs were of their owners. But I needn't have been concerned. Louie and Brandy wagged their tails—well, not their tails—their stumps, as these four new friends talked with Larry and I out in the street. Having never been around big dogs before, my initial fear was replaced by respect for these huge dogs whose heart is as big as their bodies. As we spent more time with Louie and Brandy, I couldn't help but notice the regal-like confidence of these dogs. It was as if they knew they were awesome creatures which most dogs or men wouldn't easily pick a fight with. It was as if they didn't need to prove their power and authority, it was obviously theirs already. Shortly after that realization, I took one of my early morning jogs and met up with another neighbor. John has two dogs, one is a Rottweiler and the other is a little white mutt who is only a little taller than a foot high. What a difference in the dogs. The "Rott" named Bruno (why didn't I guess?) is like Louie and Brandy: regal and confident. But the little one, "Mitzy," is one mean dog! At least she acts like it. When she sees me, she starts straining at the leash to get at me, snarling and barking, as if she needs to let me know who's boss! All the while, Bruno looks on as if to say, "I'm the king, I don't need to convince you." I'm wondering if Mitzy is thinking, "I'm the king! I'm going to convince you I really believe it!" (If you're the owner of a little dog, I'm sure that your pet is the most adorable thing there is. And I'm sure that there are many "big dogs" who are mean. So please know that I'm speaking of the dogs that I know). As I pondered the difference between the "Rotts" in my life and then little Mitzy, I wondered if there was an analogy to leaders in ministry. A "little dog" leader is one who has to let you know they are in charge—and I'm sure you realize I'm not talking about physical size here, but the heart and spirit. They're really not confident in believing they are truly the leader. They lack the humility that lets other people take credit for a job well done. They need the constant affirmation that they are worthy of their position. They have a hard time focusing on the needs of others because they must draw attention to themselves. And they may have trouble delegating responsibility because they fear something won't be done to their perfectionistic standards. And since the results are a reflection of their own value as a leader, they can't risk having someone else give a less than perfect result. On the other hand, there are the "big dog" leaders. These people have the confidence to know they are in charge as the leader chosen by God, and they don't have to call constant attention to themselves. They can focus on the needs of others knowing that God will meet their own needs and bring the results He desires. And since it's all about God, and not themselves, they can risk and let God—and other people—receive the credit for a job well done. They go through life and ministry focused on how God will get the honor and be exalted. It's not about them at all but about the Kingdom being expanded. The other thing I've learned from the "Rotts" is the story John told me. Bruno used to be the only dog in John's family until Mitzy was found running loose on the golf course connected to their back yard. Mitzy would sneak into John's backyard and steal Bruno's food on the patio. John wondered how Bruno would react. But Bruno left food for Mitzy to eat and then brought her into the house. John was amazed. When no one claimed the little dog, John adopted Mitzy with Bruno's blessing. Now John is a two-dog family. Isn't that just like a "big dog" mentality? Sharing the wealth with encouragement, nourishment and understanding, looking out for the needs of others. How would you characterize your ministry: as a "little dog" ministry or a "big dog" ministry? I trust it's like the Rottweilers that I know. Even to the point of "adopting" those leaders who need confidence and help in recognizing their position as a leader in God's kingdom.
Any
Cracks in Your Ministry Foundation? Mel,
our local high school volleyball coach has had a winning championship team for
the last seven seasons. One of the main reasons for his team’s
continuing success is that he is not afraid to look for cracks. Mel always
chooses to pit his team against the highest ranked, most competitive teams in
his pre-season matches, even though he knows that he will probably lose.
He wants his team in the pressure cooker so that the foundational cracks will
show up before the season starts and long before the end-of-the season playoff
games. Karen
Dye is a speaker who loves to motivate women to walk close to God. She lives in
Lone Pine,
Counseling
an Angry Person—Part II General
Eisenhower is quoted as saying, “The urgent is seldom important, and the
important is seldom urgent.” If you recognize that one of the causes of your
counselee’s anger is over-commitments and time pressures, help him or her to
see that urgent demands aren’t as
important as he/she believes. Ask
a question like: Have you noticed that the things we must do over and over again
often pressure us the most, even though the tasks are never completely finished?
Point out how the daily duties of housework or other work, which we will repeat,
take time away from the really important thing: relationships. For instance,
when a mother doesn’t feel like she accomplishes the urgent, she may displace
that frustration onto anger toward her child. A
good way to determine the importance of something is to ask, “Will it
influence the future? Will it be significant a year, five years or even ten
years from now?” The only areas that retain their value over time are
relationships. People are the only “things” that will be in heaven with us. Encourage
your counselee to say “no” more often. When I become over-committed, I
usually have not said no often enough. Because of my past insecurity and poor
self- image, I have a hard time refusing responsibilities. I don’t want to
disappoint people or assert myself. |