Here is the third question about holiness:
"As
you consider the painful experiences from your past, can you see connections to
your current unholy reactions?"
These are the responses given to this third question. I did not comment on or change any comments and each writer is responsible for their own opinions. I'm sorry that I can't take the time to pass along any comments you'd like to make to individuals about their postings. And there is not an opportunity in this setting for responding to any of these comments.
But I hope you'll enjoy and benefit from hearing about other people's comments on this question.
Frankly I am a woman of simple faith. I am well educated with two college
degrees and well read. However, my faith is simple. I trust in the Lord Jesus
Christ with my whole heart and soul. When I make a mistake and get angry over
something I repent. The Bible tells us He will forgive us. I try to live in a
state of forgiveness. As I remember stupid mistakes I've made in the past near
and far, I ask God to forgive me and help me do better.
So maybe I don't
understand the question. I try to be a calm person. If something presses my
buttons or spins me out, I ask God for forgiveness. Even if I think I'm right I
know getting angry is wrong. Unless it is justified anger. Mostly it is our own
ego hitting back with words. We feel something or someone has disrespected us so
we lash out. Jesus doesn't want that. He taught us to love one another as He
loves us. And HE died for us on the cross. There is no greater love than that.
As I have grown older my temper has quieted. I see most things as
unimportant even when I feel I'm being put down. What does it matter what a
human being says to me? They are not my Lord, Jesus is. I put my life in His
hands. I'll give you a specific example.
I get paid for 5 hours of work at the senior center. I put in more time
than that on my own with planning and confirmations. I have asked for more
hours. They tell me they don't have the funds yet every time I turn around they
are buying something else. Other people are getting paid big salaries while I
get the least. The woman I work with on the programs is angry. She doesn't like
the fact we don't get credit for our work while the administrators pat
themselves on the back for our successful programs. She keeps digging at me to
angry over this.
It is unfair. BUT I turned my life over to Jesus. Why should I complain?
The people I work for, the seniors, appreciate my work. I do the best job I can.
I tell my friend to remember everything is in God's hands. (She's a Christian).
She feels put down. I refuse to give in to these feelings. When I was younger I
would have spun out over the injustice. Is it wrong I take this calmly? If God
is in control of my life who am I to complain? We have presented our issues to
the higher ups and they have consistently said there is no money for increased
hours for us. I can beat my head against the wall and get frustrated. Or I can
accept this and do the best job I can, even giving some free time to make
programs work smoothly.
Some people think I'm wrong for doing this. Jesus is Lord. If He wants me
here (I prayed for this job and got it over 7 others), then I'm here for the
duration.
I wish I could be more theological but this is what I believe as I walk
the rocky path with my Lord. Bea
I often struggle with the fact that I am called
to be "holy" and yet will never be until I grace
heaven. I believe holiness is a challenge to us
as Christians because although we are made in Christ's image, we are imperfect
beings. What I have discovered is that Christianity is a lot like a close
friendship. When we are close to our friends, we pick up/take on their
attributes--we desire to be near them and like them. The same holds true in our
relationship with Christ. And even though we will never be vompletely holy, when
we are living in His presence the old self will begin to die and be renewed as
we rest in His presence.
Heather C.
correction at work, when in reality my boss is just trying to teach me to do a
better job. The shame may be rooted in a painful upbringing where the adult(s)
in my life were overbearing or over-corrective.
Unholy behavior is often rooted in past pain. However, unholy behavior is
often just as well rooted in our own self-centeredness. Past pain is no excuse
for present sin (unholy behavior), but we must be open to the insight and
teaching and healing of the Holy Spirit in our lives as He reveals to us our
blind spots.
June H.
Sylvie
Patti
I’ve had two heroes in my life—my dad and my husband. (I’ve known
my husband for fifty years. We met in the first grade and grew up two blocks
from each other. We became an “item” when we were in junior high.) Anyway,
my dad was a strict (but fair) German who demanded a lot from his kids. (I was
the oldest and the only girl. Anyone ever read the Birth Order book?) Needless
to say I’ve been the classic over-achiever my entire life. (My brothers hated
landing in one of my former classes in school, because the teachers inevitably
made remarks like, “Oh, you’re Kathi’s brother. We’ll be expecting great
things from you!”) Being the only girl and growing up in an age when girls
weren’t expected to achieve academically on the same level as boys, I decided
I must run a little faster, be a little smarter, and do a little better in order
to be accepted. Life became one long contest for me, and I wasn’t happy unless
I won at everything. Coming in second simply wasn’t an option.
I became a Christian three decades ago, when I was twenty-six, and God
has been “re-programming” me ever since. I still have a long way to go, but
I’m finally starting to learn that my competitive attitude stems from my
self-imposed need to prove myself, when what I really need to do is learn to
rest in God and what He has already done for me. It’s a lifetime lesson, but
“He who called [me] is faithful, who also will do it.” God is working
holiness in me as I learn to RESPOND to situations by turning to Him and
remembering that my self-worth is in Him, rather than REACTING and thinking I
have to do better to prove myself.
My first hero has gone on to be with the Lord now (having received Jesus
as Savior at the age of 88, one week before he died!), and I am blessed to be
married to my second hero, Al. But Jesus is my true hero because He is the One
who rescued me from myself, and I am so grateful for His loving kindness and
faithfulness to me.
Kathi M.
Last night Randy left me alone for several hours and I began to calm
down. Later I apologized for my emotional outburst, but told him I felt
like he didn't take my work seriously. That if he had asked me to do something
for his job while he was gone, I would have turned his office upside down to
find what I needed, and then would have called him if I still couldn't find it.
He responded with an insincere, "I'm sorry, it's always my fault," to
which I answered "this is not about you." We went to bed, unable to go
any further.
This morning I turned on my computer to find your article and today's holiness
question. I'm still processing what I've just learned, but know the connection
is there. Thank you for the article and for being a mouthpiece for God in my
life today.
Cheri
Once
again, I choose to define the term holiness as a gift, not something earned. I
refer to a statement by Oswald Chambers in his classic My
Utmost for His Highest, "Personal holiness is an effect not a cause,
and if we place our faith in human goodness, in the effect of Redemption, we shall go under when the test comes."
What we see at
work around us is the effect. What I hear you seeking is human goodness to
produce that effect. The outcome will always be failure. I am the most human of
men and will inevitably fall short. Looking at, being aware of or attempting to
come to grips with issues of the past may make me feel as though I have control,
but then, giving my life to Christ is me getting out of the way and humbly
accepting who and what I am; scars, bumps, bruises and all. After all, Christ
has accepted me this way; who am I to do otherwise? This willingness to trust
and rely upon Him, along with a genuine desire to repent and walk with Him in
newness of life, is the real test of my holiness and the outcome of redemption.
Chambers then gives the following punch line, "As long as our
eyes are upon our own personal whiteness we shall never get near the reality of
Redemption." This I've experienced and believe. I refer back to my
statement in posting two, "For the 'faith that works', then, we need
humility and willingness to pursue the course of servant hood set before
us."
Shalom, Jonah
It
seems that anger and unholy actions occur most often when I'm confronted with
people that take up my precious time. Such as sales people at the department
store who are talking on the phone instead of helping me, or the wait staff at a
restaurant ignoring me. Long hold times on the phone all set me off into a
tantrum that is unholy. As I pondered Kathy's question I tried to link this to a
painful circumstance in my life and what I came up with was the short eight
years I had with my son Mark before he died. How I had really wasted that time
and not been the best mother I could be. Now he was gone and I was left with the
guilt. I would have flashbacks of the scar on his little finger, where a toy car
had cut him. He needed stitches but I couldn't afford a doctor, so I bandaged it
as best I could, but it left a bad scar and all these many years later I was
still tortured by that. I was tortured by the fact that I was too busy as a
single mom trying to support us that there just wasn't time to sit and hold him
when he was frustrated or lonely. Now my arms ached to just touch him once more.
All this was understandable but what did it have to do with holiness?
Well, as I thought deeper I realized that Satan uses the vulnerable areas of our
lives to cripple us and he had done just that. Time is precious and my time with
Mark was gone, but my sin continued in this subtle way, no one would waste my
time!
As I realized my actions against people and my lack of patience, I asked
God's forgiveness and realized that in Romans 8:37-39 (NIV) God said, "In
all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am
convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the
present nor the future, nor any powers; neither height nor depth, nor anything
else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is
in Christ Jesus our Lord" I let everyday circumstances separate me from God
by replacing God with anger, and now that I know that will I be more
patient?
Kat
Absolutely.
A wise woman told me one time that you know you have forgiven someone when you
can praise God for what came out of the situation. However, the old adage
"forgive and forget" is not always true. Even though you can forgive,
you can't always forget because every time something happens that reminds you of
the bad situation, all of those emotions come roaring back.
This is why I can say that painful experiences from my past can be
connected to any unholy reactions I may have now. The positive side to all of
this is that my past is covered by the blood of Jesus and even though I may
have an unholy reaction today, the Word is a two edged sword and cuts away all
unholiness and covers me when I ask for the forgiveness the Lord so readily
offers.
Walking with the Lord is one of the most wonderful journeys I have ever
experienced, however, there are times when I react negatively because of a past
memory but the goodness of the Lord remains my refuge and strength.
Brenda
I
recognize when my unholy reactions result from childhood conditioning, and I
hate it. Criticism, even constructive criticism, withers me inside and casts
doubts on my worth. Fear of displeasing hinders me. I know that my worth is in
Christ Jesus. It is only through Christ that these ropes of bondage can be
broken, but my flesh clings to the familiarity of those ropes, even though they
chafe.
When a tree is cut down, growth rings are exposed--the year-by-year
development through storms, drought and abundant rain. However, it is revealed
wood grain and irregularities that result in beauty when sanded and stained.
Past hurts in my character are like these wood rings. They cannot be removed,
but they can be used. As He reveals to me this lack of trust in Him, Jesus’
blood can stain imperfections and make them beautiful and useful in His kingdom.
It is His blood that covers all the flaws in me, and makes me a new creation.
Colossians 3:3 (NIV) “For you died, and your life is now hidden with
Christ in God.” Judy Daniel of
Jan Marie
When
I was young I was very responsible, grew up poor, oldest of little brothers and
Mom & Dad worked all the time. I became the "little mama." It was
a shameful thing if you weren’t married by the time you were 21. I married 3
days before my 22 birthday. I accepted the Lord at age 7. I divorced 23 years
later... Because of my childhood and marriage I went to 3 years of therapy with
a Christian Counselor. I know, without a doubt that if I hadn’t known the Lord
through all my "growing up stuff" that I would be dead now. I would
not change one thing in my life. (It’s not that I don’t have regrets) I have
been forgiven. I can hold my head high and move on in life. The stuff from my
past...and every single thing I am still going through makes me who I am
today. God’s Love, His forgiveness and Mercy all make me able to go out and
help others in my situation. I can understand their plight and let them know
that I understand and care about them...It makes me less judgmental. In fact it
helps me to understand how much God loves me and applies His mercy to me...am I
too good to do unto others what God has done to me?
I am a very practical person. I am not into that heavy duty
spiritually emotional way of thinking; though I am passionate about my Christ,
and all He is to me. I pray daily that I will be filled with the Holy Spirit,
that I may have wisdom and discernment to do and be all that God intends me to
do. I am human, God knows my heart...He knows I am a sinner, saved by Grace.
Nothing I am or do is good enough...Only Jesus is Good Enough. His blood covers
all my sins and transgressions and humanness. He loves me JUST THE WAY I
AM...just the way I was when I was wallowing in it all. How can we be any more
HOLY than that? Because it is HIM... it’s all about HIM.
It really helps me, to realize, that what God has done for me, has helped
me to be able to not become frustrated or angry with another. My husband (3rd)
and I think very differently. We could be angry all the time. We talked last
night and said to each other, "I am different in this area that you are but
that is who we are...like it or not." We choose to love and respect each
other regardless of our differences. Many differences cause a good balance for
life.
Linda
My father was 6'2" and about 240 pounds. In High school I was and
still am 4'11". For me, he was quite an intimidating figure. Often I
would stand before him in trouble about my mediocre grades. I would be berated
about my school performance until finally I would burst into tears. He would
then send me to my room, in my view, satisfied that he had broken me down.
Each time I would be called to stand before him, I would make an inner vow not
to 'break'. I began to feel that my 'breaking' was a sign of weakness and
defeat. It wasn't long before I avoided being in the same room with him
altogether. Sometimes I was successful, sometimes not.
Ultimately, that has carried over into my adult life. My usual victim is
my husband. I find myself arguing on issues that don't matter just to be
right; I am tenacious about being understood clearly and not being misquoted;
and I still have a hard time showing emotion for fear I'll look weak. The
root of all of this is pride I realize, but I also know that those incidences
with my father created in me these inordinate responses. In reality, I'm a
marshmallow and God knows it. He constantly challenges me in those areas. I
can't tell you how many times I've been brought to tears in front of a group of
people as God works on my heart. But it's gotten easier. I guess pretty soon
I'll be breaking into tears all over the place. : )
Danielle
The correlation between
painful past experiences and current unholy reactions comes in viewing
situations and people with suspicion and unforgiveness, holding myself in
reserve, and shielding myself from future hurts. In doing this, I deny God the
authority to work through people and circumstances to mold me into a person who
more closely reflects his character.
Currently, I am working through an attitude of "never again having
anything to do with" a person who brutally wounded me emotionally over a
year ago. But I'm discovering that when I shield myself from possible future
hurts, I also cut myself off from God's presence, power, and protection, and I
depend on myself instead of Him.
Candy
When
I think there’s been a slight against me, I react in an unholy fashion by
being cold to that person instead of forgiveness, but I'm working on it.
Chuck